"Shipwreck" / "Beginning" / "Fate" (Growing Pains - 5, 6, 7 / 7) [Self-post]

[rogueinladysclothing]

"Shipwreck"

She cursed, she screamed, she burned everything she touched for the better part of a day after moving her few belongings into her new apartment. There wasn't enough water in the entire multiverse to keep her cool enough to handle anything. Dreams, she even managed to use up all of the cold water in her shower, and her magic was too tied up in her emotions to do anything about it.

It felt like everything she touched, she failed at. Cooking, keeping enough food in her new place, controlling her magic, sleeping, relationships, Harley... It felt pointless. It made her feel worthless.

Where was the fairness in this? Was it required that she suffer like this before she died, before she was shown the true cost of her sins? Was this in recompense for not dealing with so many things for so long?

Why? Why did it have to be this way? Why did it have to be… so much?

All of the things she burned could be - and were - replaced. But nothing shook her confidence in herself so much as being hungry at the end of every day. Buying food wasn’t a problem - she went out every day for what she would need, in fact - but it somehow wasn’t enough. She bought the same amount as she had before, and it had always been enough when she lived at the inn.

So why? Why wasn’t this enough? Why wasn’t she enough anymore?

What else was needed of her so that she might live?

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"Beginning"

A week.

That was all it took for Amelia to lose it. Seven toiling days and seven incessantly long nights before she couldn’t stand it anymore and began making preparations in her mind to find another, better place.

By the end of that first week, her rage and upset was noticeable even to the reclusive neighbors she’d been promised would keep their noses out of her business. They approached timidly one day, trying only to ask if she was all right. She rebuked them with harsh words and a glare, telling them to stay out of it. They all turned from her quickly, afraid of the woman with wild hair and cutting words, but it didn’t drive away all of them.

Later the same day she turned away the help of the adults who reached out to her, a small child came to her door. The boy stood only to her knee and was undaunted by the way she scolded him for daring to bother her. He grinned at the rogue and offered a brightly colored fruit he had clutched in his tiny hands. Amelia stared at him in disbelief, until the boy started shouting “Fwoot!” at her and jumping to get her attention. Cautiously, she knelt down in front of him and held out a hand to the boy, who happily deposited the ripe and sweet smelling fruit into it before turning and running down the hall with a happy squeal. She watched his progress and met the gaze of his mother when she appeared through the door to their home. Words seemed insignificant at that moment, and so she simply nodded her thanks, gave the woman a brief smile, and disappeared into her apartment again.

Help… kindness when she needed it. It was strange and unexpected, and it reminded her of what she’d known from the start of all of this: She couldn’t actually survive alone. She needed more in her life than a quick chat with store owners or baristas. She needed more than weapons practice and magical research. She needed new skills to survive and she had to be the one to ask for the help.

It was time to start growing up, for real this time.

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"Fate"

It wasn't the beginning she wanted, certainly, but it was the end that she needed. Nothing ever brings into sharp relief that which is necessary but loss. Amelia hadn't seen all that was missing from her before, despite her best efforts, and she was certain that she still didn't. But the end of what she wanted showed her the path back to what she needed. The beginning was harsh and unrelenting, but it's what she needed. Strength often comes from adversity, and it was in it that Amelia would find hers.

The right way, this time, and with help from those she trusted.