She sighs softly. "It is that no one wants me, Viatorus. No one approaches me. I have the air of a woman who isn't worth the trouble she'll bring. I know this. I could change this, but to do so would mean denying who I am." Sure, changing would mean she could have anyone she wanted, but what does it matter when her heart only wants him?

"I'm not asking you to be selfish and I would never ask you to choose me." She would never ask him to defy his family or their traditions. Family comes before all else. Even before speaking with Isidor about what happened the first time she spoke of her feelings she understood that. But this is how she feels and dreams be damned, she has to say it.

"Hell, if anything, I'm the one being selfish - telling you things that are best left unsaid. I'm confusing you and it hurts to know that, but I can't... I can't stop myself." She frowns and sighs, letting her head hang in shame. "You deserve better than someone like me anyway and I'm certain your family will find you a fine wife. And then you can be happy and forget this whole fucking mess I started ever happened."

It's getting harder to keep control, to not get angry with herself for doing this, but she's trying. Because if she keeps going, she can surely trick him into saying those words she needs to hear to free them both from this curse she's put them under by admitting her feelings.