How different his world must be in order for something like that to work. How different it must be to live in a family of scholars and protectors, a family where everyone's role is known shortly after they're born. How different it must be knowing exactly what's expected of you. She envies that feeling, though she would never dare admit it.
"You have the luxury of knowing exactly who you are and what is expected of you, of having known that since birth. As firstborn, I was fairly certain I would inherit the family's business - it's traditional for that to happen. However, my first brother was hot on my heels to have it because he is competitive and with only one business and a total of four children, there is no guarantee of anything becoming yours until it is already yours. I had to prove myself the best while simultaneously helping my father figure out a path for his other children to get what tradition dictates should be mine. I had to help him make their lives better in the light while also working for it in the dark."
There's a shift in her demeanor, away from frustrated and upset to something more stoic. "When I was young, I saw how my family was treated by others. Both those above and below looked on my family with scorn, because we were successful and 'reaching upward' with the advancement of our business. It didn't matter that it wasn't true - rumors begin and they can't be stopped. Then, when my second brother wanted to become a scholar, and my little sister's health often depended on the abilities of the healers we could afford, I made a choice. I would make my family noble, stop the scorn from above, allow my brother to study with the best, get my sister the best care possible. But this was my choice, and so I did it alone. Now, they have that. I gave it to them. They are afforded luxuries they never dreamed possible before, which is exactly what I wanted. But getting them this... it dirtied my hands. I can't be noble with them. And so, above all else, my place in life is to protect them. There are safety nets in place and they have more money than they could ever possibly need because of what I did, but I can't know that they're safe unless I'm there, watching them. I can't ask someone else to do this for me. This is my burden and no one else's."
no subject
"You have the luxury of knowing exactly who you are and what is expected of you, of having known that since birth. As firstborn, I was fairly certain I would inherit the family's business - it's traditional for that to happen. However, my first brother was hot on my heels to have it because he is competitive and with only one business and a total of four children, there is no guarantee of anything becoming yours until it is already yours. I had to prove myself the best while simultaneously helping my father figure out a path for his other children to get what tradition dictates should be mine. I had to help him make their lives better in the light while also working for it in the dark."
There's a shift in her demeanor, away from frustrated and upset to something more stoic. "When I was young, I saw how my family was treated by others. Both those above and below looked on my family with scorn, because we were successful and 'reaching upward' with the advancement of our business. It didn't matter that it wasn't true - rumors begin and they can't be stopped. Then, when my second brother wanted to become a scholar, and my little sister's health often depended on the abilities of the healers we could afford, I made a choice. I would make my family noble, stop the scorn from above, allow my brother to study with the best, get my sister the best care possible. But this was my choice, and so I did it alone. Now, they have that. I gave it to them. They are afforded luxuries they never dreamed possible before, which is exactly what I wanted. But getting them this... it dirtied my hands. I can't be noble with them. And so, above all else, my place in life is to protect them. There are safety nets in place and they have more money than they could ever possibly need because of what I did, but I can't know that they're safe unless I'm there, watching them. I can't ask someone else to do this for me. This is my burden and no one else's."