She wants to make a joke about the offer of a vase, to tease him just a little bit. But she can't. Because everything hurts right now. Everything has hurt for a while. Everything that made her Amelia has been slipping away under waves of grief and longing. "That would be nice."
Unlike before, she doesn't recoil when he reaches for her. The warmth of his hand, even if he doesn't touch her, is a welcome thing after so many days of being alone. She carefully sets aside the tea pot and then walks over to the bed, sitting carefully. Her hands are folded neatly in her lap as she speaks. "I made a choice some time ago, about how best to protect my world from all the dangers of the Nexus. I needed to find my world again and then close it off from the Nexus. I would stay here, make sure no one ever opened a portal there again. I had a plan, knew what I was going to do once it was found, but..."
She takes a slow, deep breath. "I had a fight with Naugus. And he..." Slowly, Amelia. Keep breathing. "He opened a portal to my world. But before I could do anything, he shut it with such force that he claimed to have shattered any connection to it." Stop shaking, Amelia. The story's not over yet. "I-I got Schön to reopen it. Took the time to... to... s-settle my affairs. I got what I wanted from the trip. I saw my city, my home... and Nathan, too..." Her chest tightens at that thought and her heart pounds in her chest. It hurts. Dreams, does it hurt. One hand settles over her heart, gripping the fabric of her high collared dress tightly. Just a little more...
"Once everything was done, I came back here. But it was all... different. The portal closed behind me, but I don't... I don't know if it worked. I have no magic, no PINpoint, no way of telling if it's closed for good. I can still keep watch, make sure no one tries to open a portal there again. I... can be strong for them, for everyone on my world. I have to be. I have to."
Her head drops slowly and her eyes close as tears begin to form in her eyes. "But I'm all alone now. I knew I would be, but I thought... I thought I could handle it. I thought I could handle anything. But the nightmares... the dreams, Viatorus, they... they hurt so much. I can't stop seeing all the things I'm missing. The deaths I can't prevent, the successes I can't share in, the failures I can't circumvent, the love..." She grips her chest tightly, willing herself to not shake and failing. "...the love I could never have slipping through my fingers every time I wake."
Suddenly, she can't hold it in anymore. She covers her face with her hands and weeps openly. So many days of crying in the dark, in the quietest tones possible, ignoring the worst of the pain. But now that she's laid everything bare, she can't ignore it any longer. She can't pretend a few days of mourning will fix everything anymore. It won't. Nothing will fix it. Nothing can undo what she's done. She only hopes she can keep from unraveling before the pain passes.
Wall of text, incoming. Sorry! >>;
Unlike before, she doesn't recoil when he reaches for her. The warmth of his hand, even if he doesn't touch her, is a welcome thing after so many days of being alone. She carefully sets aside the tea pot and then walks over to the bed, sitting carefully. Her hands are folded neatly in her lap as she speaks. "I made a choice some time ago, about how best to protect my world from all the dangers of the Nexus. I needed to find my world again and then close it off from the Nexus. I would stay here, make sure no one ever opened a portal there again. I had a plan, knew what I was going to do once it was found, but..."
She takes a slow, deep breath. "I had a fight with Naugus. And he..." Slowly, Amelia. Keep breathing. "He opened a portal to my world. But before I could do anything, he shut it with such force that he claimed to have shattered any connection to it." Stop shaking, Amelia. The story's not over yet. "I-I got Schön to reopen it. Took the time to... to... s-settle my affairs. I got what I wanted from the trip. I saw my city, my home... and Nathan, too..." Her chest tightens at that thought and her heart pounds in her chest. It hurts. Dreams, does it hurt. One hand settles over her heart, gripping the fabric of her high collared dress tightly. Just a little more...
"Once everything was done, I came back here. But it was all... different. The portal closed behind me, but I don't... I don't know if it worked. I have no magic, no PINpoint, no way of telling if it's closed for good. I can still keep watch, make sure no one tries to open a portal there again. I... can be strong for them, for everyone on my world. I have to be. I have to."
Her head drops slowly and her eyes close as tears begin to form in her eyes. "But I'm all alone now. I knew I would be, but I thought... I thought I could handle it. I thought I could handle anything. But the nightmares... the dreams, Viatorus, they... they hurt so much. I can't stop seeing all the things I'm missing. The deaths I can't prevent, the successes I can't share in, the failures I can't circumvent, the love..." She grips her chest tightly, willing herself to not shake and failing. "...the love I could never have slipping through my fingers every time I wake."
Suddenly, she can't hold it in anymore. She covers her face with her hands and weeps openly. So many days of crying in the dark, in the quietest tones possible, ignoring the worst of the pain. But now that she's laid everything bare, she can't ignore it any longer. She can't pretend a few days of mourning will fix everything anymore. It won't. Nothing will fix it. Nothing can undo what she's done. She only hopes she can keep from unraveling before the pain passes.