A turn of magical events [Tagging Viatorus]

[rogueinladysclothing]

It’s late when the text message arrives. Sometime after Midnight, if Viatorus can make out the clock on his phone through sleep-laden eyes.

I did it. I did it!

A few minutes later, a second text message follows up the first.

Are you awake? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. But if you’re up, can I see you? I need to show you!

Normally, Amelia would be much more respectful of someone’s sleep schedule, but tonight is not a night for that. Not now that she’s used magic, not now that she’s figured out how to keep from burning her notebook to ashes while she writes down everything she’s thinking and feeling in the moments the magic happens. Viatorus encouraged her to learn, to face her fears, and now she wants to show him that she has.

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[rogueinladysclothing]

It's hard for her to fight the rising tide of anger in her. This only gets harder the more he fights back, the more he pushes on her, the more he tries to help by refusing her request. She shifts to cross her arms in front of her chest and grips her elbows tightly. She has to keep control or they'll never speak after this moment.

Time for a much less kind approach.

"I understand your resistance, and I hope you realize this isn't something I want either, but it's something I need. Don't you think I'd rather live in this fantasy where, someday, maybe, we could find a way to make this work? Where all of my efforts might prove to be worth something?" She shakes her head and sighs. "You and I both know that this conversation ends any possibility of that as I won't put in a bid to be your wife now that you've asked me not to speak of this to Isidor." A beat to let that detail sink in before she asks, "Don't you care enough about me to let me free of that dream? Can't you see that holding this back will only hurt me more?"

[heirtothearcane]

There's a harshness to her words which makes him fluster. His small request suddenly something Amelia's resentful of, and every action laid out before him is one of wickedness. His cheeks turn red, his eyes start to as well. He wants to tell her that's not what he meant, but... then that would be unkind as well. Hope and hopeless are both unfair here, and he feels the fear rise again as he makes what will inevitably be the wrong decision, no matter what he picks.

He pulls away from her, pressing into the chair as if it might hide him. A hand starts rubbing his chest and neck, hoping that might calm the stress curling around it and restricting his breathing. "I don't want to. Don't... Don't ask me to. Amelia... please... I... Let's just... stop."

[rogueinladysclothing]

Fuck. Everything.

"I can't." She almost scoffs at him, but manages to hold it back at the last second, making a small noise of frustration instead. There's no room for saying the wrong things anymore. With a sigh she pushes herself to her feet and begins to pace silently again. "If this doesn't end here, now, it never will for me. I will always be wondering, always hoping, always willing to do something incredibly stupid that will hurt both of us later - likely exposing this conversation to your family and getting you in more trouble than imaginable. I don't want that. I don't want this either, but I would never forgive myself if I got you in trouble like that."

Another, much more frustrated, sigh. "I just want to be free, Viatorus. I want to not feel these things anymore. I want to let you go and to move on. But right now, without hearing those words from you, I just fucking can't." Her gaze falls on him finally as she stops pacing, stern and unrelenting. She won't back down from this. She can't - not now, not when they're so close to getting out.

[heirtothearcane]

This is horrible. This is entirely horrible. A thought which circles around his head until he finds himself just wanting her to stop. Wanting this to end. Which is exactly what she wants too. She's already told him what to do to end this. In the end, it's the only thing he can give her.

His hands curl up and he pulls them into himself. When she stop to look at him, pleading with her eyes, she catches his gaze and he just... stares at her. Then, slowly, his eyes slide downwards, his jaw trembling as he struggles to breathe.

Just. Say. The words.

"I... I... don't... love you."

[rogueinladysclothing]

The moment he says the words, she closes her eyes. Ignoring the tears rolling down her cheeks, she takes a slow, deep breath and then exhales at that same slow pace.

Finally. Release.

When she opens her eyes a minute later, she throws a sad smile in his direction. Now that she's free, she can say all those things that will make this right between friends again. She can take his words as true and act on them as if the whole messy conversation leading to them had never happened. "I'm sorry, Viatorus. I never should have said anything. I... I should have realized your feelings. And I do understand them, really. Please, forgive me and... don't tell Isidor. I don't want to cause you any trouble by having said such things." A noble suggestion, even if she doesn't mean it.

That little bit out of the way, she looks around the living room awkwardly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "...I suppose I should be on my way, then. I mean, learning control is important, but I can just read and practice on my own, right?" Maybe talk of magic will make her exit easier for him. It's probably a vain hope, but she has to try something.

[heirtothearcane]

He can't look at her. He can't even bring himself to move apart from the gradual lowering of his eyes. It had never felt so final before. So heavy. So defined. It was as though saying this, now, to Amelia, he had carved it in stone and declared it loudly to the multiverse: I renounce romance. I renounce love. I renounce happiness for the bloodline.

The powers that be should be content with this, he thinks to himself. These words put a cut across two hearts. An excessive tribute.

Amelia's words sink in eventually and he closes his mouth, swallows, and nods. He doesn't want to speak anymore. He doesn't want to bear the weight of her disappointment anymore. Between what he knows he will see in her face and the despair tearing at him from inside, he's sure he'll simply be obliterated if he has to weather this much longer.

https://youtu.be/O3cYWrzQbkY

[rogueinladysclothing]

Neither of them wants this. Neither of them deserves this, either. But what choice do they have? She would never ask him to choose her over his family and their traditions. It simply means this wasn't meant to be - and that she was right when she thought she was better off alone.

Without another word, she packs up her things as quietly as possible. It hurts so much to see him like this, to know she has to leave when all she wants to do is comfort him, but she will do what's best. For both of them. They don't need whatever this could have been. They can find happiness with someone else when they're told they can. They can do what's best for everyone else and forget themselves.

Those are the lies she'll tell herself to get over this, at least.

When she has everything, she steps over to the door and looks back over her shoulder at him as she opens it. She frowns and it's a strain to get out the last two words to seal their fate.

"Goodbye, Viatorus."

[heirtothearcane]

Though his lips part and his jaw trembles, the words just don't come. Instead he closes his eyes, his mouth, ducks his head and nods again. To say goodbye, on top of everything... What if she doesn't come back? What if she can't stand him anymore?

He digs his fingers into his hand to stop him from saying something stupid, from acting out of fear or worry. She'll come back. Or he'll go to her. As friends. But... right now... they need to part. He needs to let her go.