rogueinladysclothing | A friendly visit [Tagging Viatorus]

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A friendly visit [Tagging Viatorus]

It hadn't been her intention to stay away this long. In truth, Amelia had intended to see Viatorus again right after Christmas, to thank him for his gift and make sure he wasn't in trouble for accepting hers. But after being cursed and then putting Steve through hell as she came down from it, she needed a few days to herself. Now, however, she feels fine. Now she wants to make good on her plans to see her friend again.

As she makes her way toward Viatorus' office, she realizes that, by postponing her plans, she's forgotten to make an appointment. Again. Normally, she'd consider pushing her way in as she did last time. Given her desire to not cause a scene, though, other measures need to be taken. Time for Amelia to exercise some of her more... questionable talents. It's early enough in the day to pencil in a late afternoon appointment, right?

When the office comes into view, so does Lyall. Amelia waits in the shadows of a nearby alley until the guard is distracted by some passerby before walking up and palming his scheduling notebook from a pouch on his belt. Once she has that, it's a simple matter of passably forging an appointment for herself in his handwriting and returning the notebook to his pouch when she's done - all in the span of about 60 seconds. That part of her plan complete, she heads off to a nearby cafe for a light snack and some tea to fill the time before her "scheduled" appointment.

About five minutes before said appointment, Amelia appears at the door to the office. Lyall doesn't exactly scowl at her, but his displeasure at seeing her is obvious, even if her lack of armor over her usual linen clothing and corset puts him a bit more at ease with her today. The rogue is completely undaunted as she steps up to him with a bright smile on her face. "I'm here to see Viatorus," she says in an equally bright tone. "But no need to worry today, friend, I have an appointment this time."

Lyall crosses his arms in front of his chest and rolls his eyes at her. "You most certainly do not." His voice rumbles from deep within his chest, and would likely scare off most people. Sadly for him, Amelia is not most people.

"Please check your appointment ledger - I have an appointment with Viatorus this afternoon." There's a certain smugness in her eyes that doesn't match her cheery tone of voice, but she can't quite help it on this one.

Begrudgingly, Lyall grabs his appointment book and opens it, his eyes widening when he sees an appointment listed for the current hour. When did that get there? He's certain he didn't put that in, but... there it is, in his handwriting and everything. He looks up at her with a look that is equally surprised and upset. "Amelia Ronsam, I presume?"

How she manages to keep smiling when she wants to be grinning is anyone's guess. "Yes. I'm not too early, am I? I can wait out here if necessary." It's a good thing Lyall works for Viatorus, or she might be getting her friend in some serious trouble right now.

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Talking about his own family makes him nervous, rather than sad like it makes Amelia. Especially when people are becoming increasingly prone to criticising them. For once he'd like to not have a friend pre-emptively dislike his family. "No, a-and they don't comment on it all the time. When they comment on me, though, it's... it's usually what they mention."

"I did see it. I had a little look. I thought it might help in the dream, and it did. It's very impressive. Doubly so since it was drawn from your memory and not his. To have something of them so well done must be nice."

Her head tilts slightly in confusion as she takes in his words. "You have so much more to offer the multiverse than that," she notes with a smile. "You do such amazing and beautiful things."

She can't help but smile more. "I've slept a lot better with them watching over me," she agrees. Suddenly, she blushes again. "Not to say that I believe they're suddenly there or anything, I just... feel better seeing them all the time, having something to remind me that they're all capable people who can take care of themselves." That didn't come out right either. That blush becomes even more pronounced. "I mean... I just... really like it." There's something on the floor that's super interesting now. Yup.

This time it's his cheeks going bright red. He ducks his head and clears his throat. What fidgeting he had been doing is only going to increase. "Oh. Thank you. That's... That's really too kind of you to say. Um... I guess, in my family, 'amazing' is sort of... normal."

Blushing doesn't bother him. He doesn't really notice it, even. He does notice her halting and hesitating. Feelings are things he picks up on rather quickly, and her awkwardness is definitely one of them. "It's... It's alright. I know what you mean. Anyone would feel the same. It's like... like being able to see them every day again. Being able to take comfort in seeing them safe and strong."

"Doesn't make you any less amazing to those of us outside your family," she points out with a smile. Making him blush wasn't a part of her plan, but it's better than making him feel uncomfortable about his family.

She slowly looks up at him and smiles. The fact that he understands what she's trying to say despite her awkward phrasing is nice. "Just like that," she agrees. "I didn't have another reminder of them from home like I do with..." She hesitates for a moment continuing. "Like I do with Nathan. Anything I have that can possibly make me feel closer or more connected to those I left back home is nice." The blush on her cheeks won't go away, but she's managing to get her words out with too much trouble this time."

"Magic... Magic is a wonderful thing. It does beautiful things," he agrees, happy, but shy and unsure how to take the compliment. "I'm... I'm glad you like what you've seen."

When she smiles, he smiles back in an attempt to encourage her. It's bad enough that he's awkward and nervous. He'd like to do everything he can not to make Amelia the same. "Would it... Would it help if you talked about them? I've never been away from my family except when I come here. One of them is always with me back home. But I expect you've been away from your family a lot."

"I never thought I'd believe in magic, much less like it. But what I've seen, and what you've shown me, suggests that it's not all as bad as I feared. I'm actually rather glad of that." She'd like it more if it could help her get home, but no need to bring that up. It's not Viatorus' fault her world has sealed itself off from the Nexus.

"I... suppose I could talk about them. I just never want to focus on them, because I don't want to bore anyone with stories about people they'll never meet." When someone's asked, she's been happy to explain things about them, but aside from that she avoids the subject. Steve has been the one exception, and even that conversation was for the purpose of getting the portrait of them made. "This is the first time I've spent any real time away from them. Being away for a few days or weeks is nothing compared to the several months I've been here. It's why I wanted the portrait - I didn't want to forget what they looked like."

"It's not," he tells her earnestly, but feels the need to add, "As long as it's in good hands."

"I promise you won't bore me. I've stayed in my study and read for days and days about old relatives so distantly related they might as well have been a family from another continent. You can talk to me about them all you like. I know how important family is."

"It's hard for me to know whose hands to trust, given my limited experience with magic. I trust you, though." She smiles softly at him, and hopes she isn't going too far with her compliments. There hasn't been a single dishonest word out of her mouth about all this.

"Really? Thank you." Her shoulders relax as she sits up a bit and folds her hands in her lap. If she's going to talk about her family, then she wants to be more comfortable as she does so.

"My family is everything to me. Everything I've done - good and bad - has been to accomplish a goal for them. I did some terrible things, told many lies to myself and others, but in the end, I got what I wanted. I raised their place in society, made the family lesser nobles as opposed to simple merchants. I wanted them to live comfortably and until I met Nathan and a few other friends back home, I intended to be their silent guardian for the rest of my life. I... faltered in that desire for a while before I ended up here. Now a part of me wishes I'd just done it so I could have continued being there for them rather than stuck so far away." Her smile takes on a sad hint again. "Sometimes I think that, in spite of how much I've grown since coming here, I'd rather be the terrible person I was to be close to them again. I'd die a thousand times over, live a total lie, and have nothing but nightmares in the Eternal Dream if it meant I could protect them from anything sour in life." She truly believes she'll have nothing but nightmares in the afterlife already, but if she could guarantee it for their safety and wellbeing, she'd do it in a heartbeat.

Edited 2016-01-16 02:29 (UTC)

His smile goes wide, though he ducks his head bashfully. "Thank you."

It's nice to see her relax properly for once. Not that he doesn't understand it. Even around his own family, it's difficult for him to relax. "But... I mean... It's not so bad that you wanted something for yourself. Maybe... Maybe this is fate's way of giving you time for yourself. Rest. Though I know it mustn't feel like it."

"I'm not very good at resting," she admits with a sigh. "I had everything I wanted for them, didn't have to keep up with the life I'd been leading separate from them, but I did anyway. It's... why I ended up here. I didn't want to rest, to look at myself and what I really needed - let alone wanted - from life. So I stuck to the streets, taking less than reputable jobs doing things I was good at, to keep myself distracted. I was out on a job when I ran into the Nexus." The tea cup in front of her is turning out to be very interesting. There's so much running through her mind and she doesn't want Viatorus to think any of the pent up anger she feels is directed at him.

"It was a stupid thing to do. I had accepted the fate of living alone years before, but when faced with actually living that life, I decided to ignore the decision and continue doing unnecessary things. Now I have no idea if all the plans I laid out worked or if the family is even faring well." Another sigh as she shakes her head in shame. "Is my family financially stable? Are all those workers I trained doing their jobs so my parents don't have to? Is my scholar brother still studying? Is my little sister getting the absolute best care possible? What of my brother and his wife - has my new niece or nephew been born? Are their other children doing well?" Her hands grip the fabric of her pants tightly. "So many questions and I'll have none of them answered. Not here. And I... have to learn to live with that."

It's not Viatorus' fault that she's still here. It's not Schön's fault and it's not Naugus' fault. It is hers and hers alone. She only hope he sees it that way, too, because the last thing she wants is him feeling responsible for something she did to herself.

He leans forward a little, earnest in his response. "You can't blame yourself for coming here. How could you have known? How could anyone have known? You might have still ended up here even if you had stayed at home living a quiet life."

"They trusted you to be there when they needed you, and they trusted everything would work out. Now it's your turn to trust them." He tries to catch her eye and smile encouragingly. "Amelia, I'm sure they're fine. And worrying won't help them. They'd want you to be happy and safe."

"They didn't know what I was doing. Until the day I came home with the papers, they had no idea I wanted them to be noble." She carefully wraps her arms around herself before looking up at him. His smile is appreciated, but it doesn't lighten her mood at all. "I'm sure you're right, but I can't stop worrying. Every day I'm here is just a little longer and my hope wanes a bit more. Holding on to them is easier with the portrait, but it hurts not knowing what's going on back home."

Her gaze drops back down to the tea cup in front of her as she sighs. "I hope this Winter holds out until I'm able to get home. The last thing I want is to greet a Spring without them." There's a bitter edge to her voice as she says that. Spring was always her favorite season back home. Now it's the last thing she wants to see come around.

"Amelia, they're your family. You're related to them. I'm sure they're more than capable." Quietly, he tries comforting her a different way. "I'd bet the worst that is happening is that they're missing you."

"Oh don't say that. Spring is wonderful." He hesitates and, carefully, he offers, "Maybe we could help make it better for you. All your friends in the Nexus. We could help make it feel more like home. Or more enjoyable, at least."

"Spring is wonderful," she agrees quietly. At least, when she was home it was. "But I... I can't face it without them. I can't celebrate the coming of Spring without them. I can't... I can't--"

Her hands fly to her face as she tries in vain to hide the tears that are suddenly making their way down her cheeks. This is certainly not what she wants to be doing right now. He's being so kind and comforting, he's trying to raise her spirits by talking about her family. She certainly managed to sink that ship quickly.

It takes a minute, but she does get enough control to finish her thought for him in a very soft, somber tone.

"I can't face the coming of Spring when it means I have to spend my birthday alone." Finally, the heart of the matter.

The tears turn his own expression into one of dismay. He shuffles closer, but doesn't quite reach for her, eager as he is to comfort her.

"You don't have to," he says quickly. "Tell me when it is. Tell me what you used to do. What you'd love to do. I'll throw you a party. It will be lots of fun."

"No, no you don't understand," she says plaintively. "I don't want to celebrate with anyone else. I want to celebrate with them. If I can't be with them when Spring comes then I'd rather live in Winter."

It's a ridiculous, childish thought - and one she hasn't shared with anyone until now.

She sighs and slowly lowers her hands from her face after one last wipe of her eyes. There's still tears there, but she can't do anything to stop them at this point. "It's not that I think celebrating with you would be bad. I just... I wanted this one tradition from my home to stay with me. My birthday... it was how I always knew that Spring had come. The whole family would come together, just to be together, and that's all I ever wanted." She wipes at her eyes again in vain before looking up at him. "Last year was different. We held a huge party to celebrate the family becoming noble. But it... didn't end the way I wanted it to." The sigh that escapes her is soft and sad. If he remembers anything of her dream, he'll have some understanding of what she's talking about.

When she speaks again, her voice is barely above a whisper. "I'd just rather not have a birthday than deal with the pain of not having my family with me that day. And I... I'd rather not have my heart broken twice in a row on my birthday."

Edited (adding more details) 2016-01-20 17:05 (UTC)

The strong protest throws him off. He flinches back slightly, withdrawing and looking extremely apologetic. Rubbing the back of his neck, he shrugs and shakes his head. "I... I'm sure there's something we can do... Offer a distraction maybe. A day out, doing something else. Not... Not celebrating. Not if you don't want to. But... something.""

Why does she do this? Why does she push so hard on him every time he tries to help? It's reflex, a habit she knows she has and can't break. She's been trying so hard to break it, but her lack of success is plainly obvious.

"A distraction would be nice." She's trying to focus on what he's saying, not what she's feeling. Work through things, not push them aside. "I was honestly planning on hiding away for the day, not seeing anyone if I could help it. But a distraction of some kind would be welcome." There's no need to mention that she was debating setting up the target dummies she purchased and railing on them with her blades until she physically couldn't anymore. No, doing something with him, or any of her friends, would be better than not taking care of herself.

"I love dreams, and I love thinking, but sometimes hiding away inside isn't the best thing to do," he tells her softly. After a second of silence, he feels he can move onto the more fun thought of planning something. "What... What would you like to do? Would you like to be with a few friends? Or just one? Maybe two? Would you like to go for a walk, o-or see a film? Explore, o-or go shopping, or...?"

"I know." He's right, of course, but she knew that from the start. Making the choice to do what's right versus what's easy is still difficult, but with his encouragement, it doesn't seem quite as daunting.

"I don't want to do anything big, and I don't really have many friends here, so I would be okay with all of them coming." Maybe he doesn't realize it, but she can still count on one hand the number of people she considers to be her friends. There's still a huge gap between acquaintance and friend for her. "I... don't know what I would want to do though. I've done some exploring and I have no need of more things." Clearly no one's explained 'window shopping' to her yet. She gives him a curious look as she considers all of this suggestions. "What's a film?"

He doesn't realise it. Surely Amelia, like Verity, is so well loved, and so confident, she must have dozens of friends by now.

"A movie. A..." His eyes flicker back and forth as he thinks of the simplest explanation. "A recording. Like theatre, only captured and recorded as a moving image. I can show you an example, if you'd like."

Amelia, unlike Verity, doesn't make the same effort to have friends. She's met plenty of people, but she calls very few of them friends.

It takes a minute, but she makes the connection to things she's heard in the Nexus. "Oh, the moving pictures. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one. What are they about? Don't you have to go some place to watch them? Or can you watch them wherever you'd like?" Getting onto a subject that makes her curious is good - it helps distract her from the sadness. It's obviously still there, but her tears are drying up, which in itself is progress.

Tears are something Viatorus has had more experience with than he'd like to admit. He, more than anyone, knows the embarrassment they bring with them. Distractions, and moving on swiftly? That's all he knows to offer, since he finds it so hard to offer physical comfort. "There are lots of devices that play them, but some are better to watch on than others. New ones come out in cinemas, with screens bigger than my wall. But mostly people watch them on televisions, which are shaped like... like large paintings, landscapes."

He's eager to encourage the curiosity, the questions. "And they can be about all kinds of things. Real life, but mostly fiction. Stories. Romance, comedy, science-fiction, fantasy... Heroes and villains. A lot like theatre, really."

As someone who is better at pushing aside her feelings than confronting them, Amelia much prefers the distractions to the comfort. The tears are an uncomfortable thing, but they pass quickly enough when she's fully distracted. His explanation of televisions gets a very small laugh - and an a accompanying small smile. "I've been to a version of Earth before, you know, so I've seen a television. They were practically everywhere as I walked around." There's some light teasing in there, but it's nice that he cares enough to explain so much without her asking.

The curiosity, once turned on, is hard to back down from. "Romance and comedy I understand - those seem to be a universal constant no matter which world you're from. But I don't understand what fantasy or science-fiction are. Heroes and villains, sure, but they're only characters in a story. So what kind of a story does a fantasy or science-fiction tell?"

Bouncing in his seat as he adjusts his position, he thinks of how to describe things he hasn't read as much about as he'd like. "Science fiction is about imaginary tales based around science. Sometimes it's big things like stories about people living in space and aliens. Sometimes it's small like... like if everyone had machines to help them live incredibly long lives."

"Fantasy is... is usually based around magic. Around magical creatures and people. Sometimes it's in an entirely make believe world, with strange and wonderful creatures, civilisations, magic... Like science-fiction, some stories seem very normal but for a small difference. People being able to do bits of magic, or... or magical creatures being real."

A friendly visit [Tagging Viatorus]

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