Letting in the outside world [Tagging Viatorus]

[rogueinladysclothing]

Days come. Days go. How many has she spent alone in the darkness, away from the world outside?

Too many. Far too many.

The dreams are becoming too much for her to handle. The nightmares are bad, but the dreams… the dreams are so much worse. Dreams of finishing those things she had started with her friends, of things working out exactly as she had planned. Of a love that she missed her chance at.

A special trip out is made to charge her phone at a cafe near the Plaza before the sun rises at her inn. Once it’s charged, she rushes back to her room and writes a few overdue text messages to the first friend she ever made in the Nexus.

Viatorus? Things have… changed in the Nexus. I don’t even know if this is still your phone number.

She waits a few minutes for a response before sending two more messages. Even if it’s not Viatorus’ number anymore, she isn’t giving away any details that could cause harm by some unknown person having them.

If it’s still your number, can you come to my inn? It’s not the Fox and Crosier anymore but it’s still in the same place. Different but still much the same.

My room number hasn’t changed either.

A few minutes pass before she sends one final text.

Please. I really want to see you.

If it comes across as desperate, it’s because she is.

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[rogueinladysclothing]

"You don't have to say anything," she says in that same soft tone. His forced smile makes her heart hurt and she finds herself giving his hands a gentle squeeze for comfort. She doesn't want to see him hurting. Not ever. She'd assumed she would be the only hurt party in all of this, but... perhaps this confession was a bad idea...

And then it's her turn to be confused. "I don't understand what you're saying..."

[heirtothearcane]

"I don't know what I'm saying," he admits with another strained smile. Looking around suddenly, he settles on a distraction. "I should, um... I should shut up. Tea? I could use some tea. I'm sure you could too."

He rubs the back of his head and then moves to stand.

[rogueinladysclothing]

Her hand lingers over his as he stands, but the moment he tries to pull away after getting to his feet, she holds him tight.

What is she doing? This is the worst idea ever.

She stands next to him slowly, holding his hand gently in hers. Such a terrible, horrible idea. Hazel eyes look up from the floor to meet his for a brief moment before she leans close and places a small, gentle kiss on his lips.

It may be the worst idea she's ever not thought through before doing, but for the moment? It feels... perfect.

[heirtothearcane]

At first he's not sure what she's doing. Does she want him to stay? But then she's standing. Perhaps to help him with the tea. It's really not a two person-

And then she kisses him.

It's like she sucked all the air from his lungs, making him forget to breathe for the longest moment. His cheeks burn brightly and his heart is determined to hammer out of his chest. His eyes flutter closed until she pulls away and he leans closer to her, disoriented, until he opens his eyes and rocks back again.

His mouth is open, but no words are uttered. What should he say? What could he say? Amelia just kissed him...

[rogueinladysclothing]

His reaction is... better than she had expected. In truth, she had expected him to recoil from her, to push her away, to run. Any number of things that would cement his inability to be with her, really. Her heart races as she looks up at him, her cheeks flushing brightly as well.

When he rocks on his feet, she raises her free hand to his shoulder to steady him, her other still holding his delicately.

There's an overwhelming feeling of happiness mixed in with the fear of waiting for his thoughts. But when he doesn't speak, she knows she has to do something. So she decides to take a leap of faith - and kisses him again.

[heirtothearcane]

With the second kiss he inhales deeply and lifts his useless hand to do... what? Push her away? Pull this unexpected comfort close? It flaps about uselessly for a second and then he pulls away.

He can't look at her. He feels like a villain, as if this were some planned cruelty. But as much as he wants to indulge this - this rare display of someone caring him over his money, his lineage - it would surely be so cruel to pretend.

"We can't- I can't. I-I'll only... only hurt you. I don't want that." A sharp pain spikes from his heart and contorts his face for a moment, but he smooths it over and rubs at his brow with a shaking hand as he moves further into the room, away from Amelia. It takes all his energy to keep calm, and even then his voice breaks when he initially goes to speak. "I'm sorry. I... I wish it were different. My, uhm. My parents intend to arrange a marriage for me. I don't... I don't get much say in the matter."

[rogueinladysclothing]

And there it is. The reaction she knew was coming.

Her face is emotionless as she nods and then sits back down on the bed. She knew this would happen. She knew all along this couldn't be.

It doesn't hurt anymore, though. The pain has fallen away to be replaced with a complete and total numbness.

"It's not your fault," she answers finally. Her voice is even, calm - a strange thing, given the waves of emotions she's been riding all day. But her words are clipped, as if she needs a new breath for every word she speaks. "I shouldn't have kissed you. That was terrible of me. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? Can we still be friends?"

She smiles at him, but it's hollow.

She hates that it's come to this. She hates even more than she can only blame herself for what's happened.

[heirtothearcane]

"It wasn't terrible," he says quickly, eager to comfort her in some small way. "Of course we're still friends. There's nothing to forgive." A pause and he offers her a watery smile in return. "It was... It was... nice."

The silence is painful. Even looking around the room doesn't help. Absently, a hand lifts to touch his lips and then falls away again as he tries for another small smile. He goes to say something, but the words don't come, so he sighs and looks away.

Another moment later, he says, "I... I should go, shouldn't I? I want to stay, to help you, but... but I-I don't want to make you feel worse."

[rogueinladysclothing]

Hearing that it was nice brings the pain back, but only briefly. It flashes across her face, but is quickly schooled away as she rises.

"I'm all right." No she's not. Her complete lack of emotions is enough to give that away. "But I shouldn't keep you any longer. You have other things to do and I can manage on my own." Another hollow smile appears on her lips. "Thank you for coming to see me today."

She's retreating hard now, but what else can she do? She doesn't want to lose it in front of him again, doesn't want to keep him here any longer. The numbness will only last so long and when it fades? She'd rather not cling to him for comfort.

[heirtothearcane]

Yet again, he finds himself causing more grief than he can comfort. He's not surprised. Or, at least, he shouldn't be. Disappointing people is clearly what he does. Second to dreamwalking, naturally.

That doesn't make leaving her here alone any easier. He knows those smiles are hollow. He knows the lifelessness of a feigned expression. He knows what's underneath it all.

"Maybe I can call someone else for you," he offers gently. "I'd hate for you to be on your own. It doesn't seem right."

https://youtu.be/beM2Bf3sDDY

[rogueinladysclothing]

The offer of another person to share in her grief causes no small amount of terror for her. It was hard enough for her to reach out to him today, why would she want to see someone else when she's been so completely destroyed?

"No, thank you. I'll be fine." No you won't. "But, perhaps, I could get some of that tea you spoke of earlier? For dreamless sleeping."

He seems so far away now, but it's for the best. He doesn't have the luxury of choosing who to be with and she's an unattached distraction. The distance will shrink with time, but for now? It's best if they stay far apart.

[heirtothearcane]

"Of course." He scrambles to get the small brown paper bag from his inside jacket pocket and a pen to jot down the instructions. As he writes he motions to another brown paper bag on the table. "I brought you croissants as well in case you were hungry. I wasn't sure what you'd like, but they're fresh and light."

Setting the tea down by the croissants, he fiddles with the pen as he looks at her. "Well. Um. If I can do anything more for you... do call. Or call someone else, if you'd prefer." He's digging himself a hole the more he speaks, he knows it. "Do take care of yourself, Amelia. And do call someone, anyone, if you need anything. There's no shame in it. Really."

[rogueinladysclothing]

All of his concern is touching, but it also hurts. It's getting hard to breathe again and keeping her struggle to a minimum in front of him becomes a constant battle. She needs to let him go, needs to give them both space from this wholly upsetting event.

"If I need someone, I'll call. Thank you." Her voice is stern and leaves no room for discussion. She motions for him to use the space in her room for a portal. They both know there's enough space and they both need the quick out. But this time there's no goodbye, no sweet kiss on the cheek to bid him farewell. Just a nod and a small wave as Amelia tries to hold herself together until he leaves.